Self-love and the love languages
Have you ever felt like you’re doing all the self-care routines, but something still feels missing? Or maybe you’ve been hard on yourself, not realizing that the way you give yourself love might not align with how you truly receive it. That’s where self-love languages come in.
Applying the love languages to how you take care of yourself can unlock a new level of self-love. Understanding how you naturally give and receive love can completely transform your relationship with yourself.
The Five Love Languages
Dr. Gary Chapman introduced the idea of the five love languages, and while they’re typically used to understand relationships with others, they’re just as powerful when applied to self-love. Let’s break them down:
Words of Affirmation
If you thrive on verbal encouragement from others, chances are you also benefit from giving yourself kind and affirming words. Try daily affirmations, journaling positive self-talk, or even recording voice memos reminding yourself of your worth. A fun thing to do is to write down the things you love about yourself, or lovely reminders you need to hear/read more often on sticky notes and stick them across your house. In this way you will be reminded frequently how loved you are. You can make it even more fun by placing them at easy-to-forget places so when you eventually look there, you read this lovely note you forgot about.
Acts of Service
Loving yourself through acts of service means taking actions that support your well-being. This could be meal prepping nutritious food, setting boundaries, organizing your space, or prioritizing your mental health by scheduling that "therapy session" with a friend you feel safe with. Not feeling so well? It can feel really difficult to change your mood when you're not feeling your best. A way to boost your mood is by moving your body. Another way is to be in nature, nature is healing because it slows you down and brings you into the moment, and sometimes that's all you need. Plus when the sun is out you will instantaneously feel better. You can combine these two easily! Make your favorite drink to go to add a little bit of spice to your walk in nature.
Receiving Gifts
If you feel most loved when receiving thoughtful gifts, then treating yourself intentionally can be a great form of self-love. Buy yourself fresh flowers, invest in a book that inspires you, or even gift yourself a small treat as a reminder that you deserve joy. When you feel like needing a bit of extra love, create a giftbox with all the goodies to have a lovely time with yourself. Examples of giftboxes to compose: A wellness-box. Collect all of your favorite self-care products, like a face mask, scrub, lotion, bath bomb etc., beverage, snacks and music to have a relaxing spa day. Movie night: Get your favorite beverage and snacks, grab your coziest blanket, put on a comfy outfit, choose a feel-good movie and create a quite place to watch the movie.
Quality Time
Spending time with yourself is just as important as spending time with loved ones. Whether it's going for a solo walk, having a cozy night in, or engaging in a hobby you love, carving out intentional time for yourself strengthens your self-connection. Look up new hobbies you would like to try, you can create a Pinterest board with aesthetic pics to inspire you. Collect all the equipment that's needed for these hobbies and plan a day in which you set up your favorite playlist, listen to a podcast or watch a movie in the background, and just enjoy your new hobby.
Physical Touch
Self-love through physical touch looks like taking care of your body—think warm baths, stretching, getting a massage, masturbating, or even simply placing a hand over your heart and taking deep breaths. Your body deserves love and care. Fill up your bathtub, add a nourishing oil, or add a shower steamer to your shower, set up your favorite playlist and enjoy yourself. Feel the warm water on your skin. Afterwards you can finish it off by giving yourself a massage with a good-smelling body oil.
Understanding your self-love language helps you nurture yourself in a way that feels fulfilling. Once you recognize your primary self-love language, you can feel more supported, at ease, and genuinely cared for by yourself.
At the end of the day, self-love is about cultivating a deep and compassionate relationship with yourself. If you’re unsure what your self-love language is, take a moment to reflect or experiment with different forms of self-care. You might just discover a whole new way to love yourself more deeply.